My inner hoon

1953-1956 FJ Holden Special

From the Brisbane Times:

Inside every sober-suited 50-something there is, I have discovered, an 18-year-old hoon just aching to get out. But I’ll get to that.

In a week where it was revealed that Australia’s uptake of electric cars has increased 300 per cent in the last year, matching the surge in the value of Tesla shares since last October, I have finally succumbed to the editor’s request to write on what its like to drive and own one.

Upsides

• It’s freaking fabulous! I’ve had my Tesla for nearly 18 months, and though paying for it was enormously expensive, my costs have been not much north of zero since. I didn't think I was a car person, but it is a thing of, art, science, beauty and power all in one like I could never have imagined. A month ago I was on the Spit Bridge, behind a Maserati roaring its engines. Two years ago, I might have been envious. I now look with wry amusement. My car could blow his doors off, and do it silently. As I gently passed his Maserati puffing billy it felt like he was driving an FJ Holden. Do I need all that power? Obviously not. But that power is one reason it handles so superbly and moves so sleekly.

• The auto-drive thingammy where it “reads” the road, staying between the white lines at the speed you determine, at a distance you designate from the car in front – and you only have to keep weight on the steering wheel to let it know you are being attentive – is a visitation from the year 2050. To change lanes, I hit the blinker and it determines the speed and position of all cars around me, before making the move.

• Everything can be controlled by my iPhone app. If I were in Perth, Penrith or even Paris and Lisa couldn’t find the keys, I could open the door and power it up just from my phone.

• It reverse parks itself – you pull up normally, just in front of the space, press the button and it does the reset. And charging is so simple. Every two weeks or so I plug it into the home charger. If I do it on a very hot [actually, sunny] day, the solar panels on my house charge a huge chunk of it, and it is done in a little over five hours.

Downsides

• Seriously, it should come with a warning. There really is an 18-year-old hoon in many of us – and the Tesla awakens it. In the first two weeks of owning one, you have to be careful not to turn into that revhead testing its insane acceleration on the “Ludicrous +” setting. (My wife helped tune my hoon with some full and frank views, clearly expressed, on the virtues of not being one.) When I lend it to, say, my son, I can “de-hoon” it by hitting “Valet” mode on my phone, which cuts its power to the bone. No one who has driven one can think of the Prime Minister’s line last year deriding electric cars – “Aussies like cars with a bit of grunt” – without laughing.

• Australia’s regional infrastructure is not yet up to supporting your machine. My trips to a funeral in Victoria’s Beechworth and a speech in Casino in northern NSW became a tad problematic for the lack of Tesla Superchargers in those areas capable of charging the whole thing in an hour, and giving you another 500 kilometre range – and you need forethought to sort it out. But I am still glad not to have to spent a red cent or a single second in a petrol station for 18 months.

• When I bought it, the Tesla mob caught me by offering full servicing for an extra $1,000 a year for three years. It seemed like a good deal at the time. But there is no servicing necessary. As there are only a handful more moving parts than the steering wheel and four wheels, it means there is very little that can go wrong, with the notable exception of, and this one really gets my goat . . .

• Flat tyres. Teslas don’t carry spares. They just guarantee someone will be there in an hour, and you will get free towing for 80 kilometres. In December I blew a tyre in Kangaroo Valley while off the tar. After I pressed the button on the electronic console, someone answered in California. “I’m in Kang…” I began to say. “We know exactly where you are,” the voice interrupted. “Someone will be arriving shortly.” And someone did. But because I needed to get back to Sydney’s Tesla joint to get their Tesla tyres, more than 80 kilometres away, I paid through the nose.

All up, though, it is 10 times better than any other car I’ve ever driven. I only wish I’d had the brains earlier to realise my experience would be matched by everyone else who got in one, and I’d got in on the share price when it was only a few hundred dollars.